When a Client Wants You to Tell Them What to Do

One of the most uncomfortable moments for a new therapist can be when a client looks at you and says, “What would you do if you were me?” After all, they came to therapy because they're stuck. They want help. And sometimes, what they seem to want most is a clear answer.

For a new therapist, this can create a difficult tension. You want to be helpful, but you also know that therapy isn't supposed to be about making decisions for your clients. You may worry that refusing to give advice will make you seem unhelpful, cold, or evasive. On the other hand, immediately telling a client what you think they should do can move the work away from helping them develop their own understanding and decision-making skills.

Learning how to navigate this moment is an important part of becoming a therapist. The goal isn't to come up with the perfect response every time. It's to understand what the client may actually be asking for and what kind of help would serve them best.

Why Clients Ask, “What Should I Do?”

When a client asks you what they should do, the question often isn't as simple as it sounds. Sometimes they genuinely want advice. But sometimes they're overwhelmed and hoping someone else can temporarily carry the weight of a decision. They may already know what they want but be afraid to act on it. They may be looking for reassurance, permission, validation, or help tolerating the uncertainty that comes with making a difficult choice.

A client might ask whether they should leave their relationship, quit their job, confront a family member, move across the country, or set a particular boundary. They may even become frustrated when you respond with another question. “But what do you think I should do?”

Rather than viewing this as a problem to shut down, it can be useful to become curious about what is underneath the question. What would it mean to the client if you gave them an answer? Would they feel safer? Less responsible? More confident? Would they be relieved to have someone else make the decision? Understanding the function of the question can often tell you more than the question itself.

Therapy Isn't About Having All the Answers

New therapists sometimes feel pressure to be the person in the room who knows what to do. You've spent years learning theories, diagnoses, interventions, ethics, and clinical skills. Now a real person is sitting across from you asking for guidance, and it can feel like you're supposed to have an answer ready.

But being a therapist doesn't mean being an expert on every decision a client could make. Your client is the expert on their own life, relationships, values, history, and circumstances. Your role is to help them explore those things more clearly.

That doesn't mean you can never offer an opinion, perspective, psychoeducation, or practical guidance. There are certainly situations where providing information is clinically appropriate and helpful. But there is a difference between helping a client think through a decision and making the decision for them. One supports their autonomy; the other can unintentionally place the therapist in the position of becoming the authority responsible for the outcome.

Try Curiosity Before Advice

When a client asks, “What should I do?” you don't necessarily need to immediately respond with another question in a way that feels like you're dodging them. You can acknowledge what they're asking while gently shifting the conversation toward their own experience.

You might say something like, “It sounds like you're really wanting some clarity about what to do here.” From there, you can explore what makes the decision difficult. What options have they considered? What are they afraid might happen? What would they choose if they weren't worried about disappointing someone? What does each option cost them? What does each option give them?

The goal isn't to interrogate the client until they somehow arrive at the “correct” answer. It's to create enough space for them to hear their own thinking. Sometimes clients already know what they want but haven't given themselves permission to say it. Other times, they genuinely don't know. Both are okay.

You Can Still Be Direct Without Taking Over

There is a common misconception that maintaining client autonomy means a therapist has to respond to everything with, “What do you think?” That can become just as unhelpful as giving unsolicited advice.

Clients don't need a therapist who refuses to say anything. They need a therapist who can participate in the conversation while remaining thoughtful about their role. You can offer observations, reflect patterns you've noticed, provide relevant information, or gently challenge inconsistencies without deciding for the client.

For example, if a client is describing a relationship in which they repeatedly feel afraid, controlled, or dismissed, simply asking, “What do you want to do?” may not be enough. The therapist may need to help the client recognize what is happening, assess safety when appropriate, and explore their options. Clinical judgment matters. So does knowing when a situation calls for more direct intervention, psychoeducation, consultation, or referral.

Being client-centered doesn't mean being passive. It means being intentional about when you're guiding and when you're taking over.

Pay Attention to Your Own Urge to Fix

This is also a moment when new therapists can learn something about themselves. When a client is stuck, it's natural to want to help them get unstuck. If you've been listening to the same problem for several sessions, you may find yourself thinking, “If they would just do this one thing, everything would be better.”

That reaction doesn't make you a bad therapist. But it is worth noticing.

Sometimes the therapist's desire to solve the problem comes from genuine care. Sometimes it comes from discomfort with watching someone struggle. You may feel anxious about whether therapy is “working,” frustrated that the client isn't changing, or worried that you're supposed to produce a solution.

Supervision can be incredibly valuable here. Talking through your reaction can help you distinguish between a client's clinical needs and your own discomfort with uncertainty. The question isn't whether you should ever want things to improve for your client. Of course you do. The question is whether your desire to help is allowing the client to do their own work or quietly doing that work for them.

Helping Clients Trust Their Own Decisions

One of the most valuable things therapy can offer is not a perfect answer to every difficult situation. It's helping people become more capable of understanding themselves, tolerating uncertainty, making decisions, and living with the outcomes of those decisions.

That takes patience. Sometimes the client will continue asking you what you think. Sometimes you'll be tempted to give them the answer because it seems obvious to you. And sometimes you really will have important information or concerns that need to be addressed directly.

As a therapist, your job isn't to make sure your client always makes the decision you would make. It's to help them understand themselves well enough to make informed decisions that are consistent with their values, needs, circumstances, and goals. Learning when to offer guidance, when to ask a question, when to provide information, and when to simply sit with someone in uncertainty is part of developing clinical judgment.

You won't master that distinction overnight. In fact, some of the most valuable clinical learning happens when you realize afterward that you weren't sure whether you stepped in too much or held back too much. Bring those moments to supervision, stay curious about your own reactions, and keep practicing. From Degree to Practice is designed to help new therapists navigate exactly these real-world clinical moments—the situations that aren't always covered in a textbook but become part of your everyday work once you're seeing clients. If you're looking for practical guidance as you build confidence and develop your identity as a therapist, signing up for the From Degree to Practice course can help you feel more prepared for what comes next.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it okay to give a client advice?

Therapists can provide information, education, observations, and appropriate clinical guidance. The important distinction is between supporting a client's decision-making and making the decision for them. The appropriate level of directiveness can depend on the client, the clinical situation, the therapist's role, and the type of decision being discussed.

What should I say when a client asks, “What would you do?”

You don't have to immediately answer or shut the question down. You might first acknowledge what they're asking and explore what makes the decision difficult. Questions such as “What feels hardest about deciding?” or “What are you hoping I could help you figure out?” can help clarify what the client actually needs.

Does client autonomy mean the therapist shouldn't give any direction?

No. Client-centered care does not mean leaving clients completely on their own. Research on shared decision-making suggests that clients may sometimes need support, structure, or “scaffolding” in order to participate meaningfully in decisions. The goal is to provide enough support without taking over the decision.

What if I genuinely think I know what the client should do?

That can be a useful moment for self-reflection. Ask yourself whether you're responding to an actual clinical concern or feeling uncomfortable watching the client struggle. There may also be situations where direct clinical intervention or safety assessment is necessary. Supervision can help you determine whether your urge to intervene is based on clinical judgment or your own discomfort with uncertainty.

What if the client gets frustrated when I won't tell them what to do?

You can validate the frustration rather than becoming defensive. A client may be asking for certainty because they feel overwhelmed or afraid of making the wrong decision. Explaining that your role is to help them think through the decision—not abandon them to figure it out alone—can help preserve the therapeutic relationship.

Why is this difficult for new therapists?

New therapists often feel pressure to demonstrate that they are competent and helpful. When a client asks for an answer, it can feel like an opportunity to prove that you know what you're doing. Learning to tolerate uncertainty, trust the therapeutic process, and distinguish between guidance and taking over is an important part of developing clinical judgment.