10 Compassionate Strategies for Handling Client Resistance and Ambivalence in Therapy

Stepping into your role as a new therapist can be both exciting and nerve-wracking. While you've spent years learning theory, clinical techniques, and ethical frameworks, nothing quite prepares you for the moment a client crosses their arms, avoids eye contact, or tells you, “I don’t know why I’m here.” These are subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) signs of resistance and ambivalence—experiences that all therapists will encounter, especially in the early stages of their careers. The good news? These moments aren’t signs of failure. They’re invitations to dig deeper, to connect more meaningfully, and to understand the inner world of your client with greater nuance.

Here are ten practical, compassionate strategies that will not only help you handle resistance but also transform it into a meaningful part of the therapeutic process.

1. Normalize Resistance as Part of the Process

Resistance can feel uncomfortable when you’re just starting out in therapy. It may show up as silence, sarcasm, tangents, or even missed appointments. The key is to remember that resistance isn't inherently oppositional or problematic. More often than not, it's a natural part of the change process. When a client resists engaging deeply, it's typically because they're protecting themselves from vulnerability, past trauma, or the fear of judgment. Instead of reacting with frustration or anxiety, you can reframe resistance as a completely normal, even expected, response.

By acknowledging this upfront in therapy—perhaps even during your first session—you help remove the shame or confusion clients may feel about their own ambivalence. Something as simple as saying, “It’s okay if you’re unsure about this process—many people feel that way at first,” can reduce defensiveness and open the door to authentic dialogue. The more you accept resistance as a phase, not a wall, the more you empower your client to eventually move through it.

2. Build Safety Before You Dig Deep

As eager as you may be to dive into root causes and therapeutic interventions, the therapeutic relationship must come first. Trust is the cornerstone of any effective therapy. If a client doesn't feel emotionally safe with you, they are unlikely to open up—no matter how skilled or insightful your approach may be. This is especially true for individuals who have experienced relational trauma, institutional mistrust, or have been forced into therapy by external pressures like the legal system, schools, or family members.

Start by creating a space where the client feels seen, heard, and accepted without judgment. Prioritize rapport over content. Use reflective listening, gentle curiosity, and empathy to signal that you’re not here to “fix” them—you’re here to walk alongside them. You might find that resistance begins to dissolve on its own once the client feels that their autonomy and pace are being respected. Remember: therapy is a relationship before it’s a treatment plan.

3. Use Motivational Interviewing Techniques

Motivational Interviewing (MI) is a powerful, evidence-based approach that helps clients explore and resolve ambivalence without pressure. Instead of trying to convince the client to change, MI meets them exactly where they are and honors their internal wisdom. As a new therapist, adopting the principles of MI can drastically reduce the tension that often arises from resistance.

The core techniques—open-ended questions, affirmations, reflective listening, and summarizing (OARS)—are designed to enhance client motivation by exploring their own reasons for change. For example, instead of asking, “Why don’t you want to stop drinking?” you might say, “What do you enjoy about drinking, and what concerns do you have about it?” This non-confrontational approach helps clients feel understood rather than judged, and over time, fosters a stronger therapeutic alliance.

4. Get Curious, Not Defensive

When you’re new to therapy, it’s easy to internalize a client’s resistance as a reflection of your competence. You might feel the urge to over-explain, fix the dynamic, or prove your value. However, the most effective response to resistance is curiosity—not defensiveness. Every resistance behavior is a communication in disguise. Rather than seeing it as a personal affront, try to understand what the behavior is trying to protect or express.

For instance, if a client repeatedly dodges certain topics, you might gently reflect: “I notice it’s hard to talk about this subject. Can you share what’s coming up for you when we approach it?” By modeling nonjudgmental curiosity, you not only de-escalate potential conflict but also invite your client to explore areas of emotional discomfort with your support. This stance fosters deeper insight and reaffirms that therapy is a collaborative process.

5. Reframe Resistance as a Strength

It may sound counterintuitive, but resistance is often a form of strength—just misdirected. When a client hesitates, withdraws, or argues, they may be using defenses that once helped them survive adversity. These protective mechanisms aren’t failures—they’re signs of resilience. As a therapist, one of your most healing interventions is to help clients reframe their resistance as an adaptive strategy that can now evolve into something more flexible and growth-oriented.

For example, a client who refuses to show emotion might have learned long ago that vulnerability was unsafe. Instead of confronting them about “shutting down,” you can acknowledge the wisdom in that behavior: “It sounds like keeping things in has helped you stay safe before—does that feel true for you?” By validating the protective intent behind resistance, you give the client permission to examine those patterns without shame or fear.

6. Check Your Own Reactions

Resistance is not just about the client—it’s also about the therapist. How you respond to resistance can either reinforce a defensive cycle or invite greater openness. Many new therapists feel anxious or helpless when a client pushes back. This emotional reaction may lead you to unconsciously rush the process, become overly directive, or disengage. That's why it’s crucial to practice self-awareness and emotional regulation during these moments.

Before reacting, take a moment to ground yourself. Notice what feelings are coming up. Ask yourself: “Am I trying to move this along because I feel uncomfortable?” Your ability to remain centered and non-reactive models emotional regulation for the client and allows you to stay focused on the therapeutic alliance rather than the outcome. Regular supervision and reflective practice can help you stay in tune with your own triggers and improve your response to client resistance over time.

7. Collaborate on Goals

One of the most common reasons for client resistance is a lack of ownership in the therapeutic process. If clients feel that therapy is being “done to them” rather than with them, they're more likely to disengage. That’s why it’s essential to collaborate on therapeutic goals from the very beginning. Ask your clients what they hope to achieve, what they’re struggling with, and what changes would feel meaningful to them.

Co-creating goals not only fosters buy-in but also empowers clients to take an active role in their healing journey. This collaboration can be revisited throughout therapy as goals shift and new insights emerge. Keep the dialogue open, and be willing to renegotiate your focus as needed. When clients see that their voice matters in shaping the process, resistance often softens, making space for deeper work.

8. Use the Here-and-Now in Session

Therapy is not just about the past—it’s also about the dynamic unfolding in the present moment. Resistance and ambivalence often manifest right in the room, through body language, tone, or interaction patterns. Learning to gently name and explore these real-time experiences can be a powerful tool for building insight and intimacy.

For example, if a client suddenly becomes quiet or evasive, you might say, “I noticed a shift just now—can we explore what happened?” This kind of here-and-now exploration allows you to address resistance as it arises organically, without shaming or pathologizing it. It also helps clients develop greater awareness of their relational patterns and gives you both a chance to co-regulate and repair in real-time.

9. Slow Down During Moments of Ambivalence

Ambivalence is often a sign that a client is approaching something significant. Rather than trying to resolve it quickly, consider slowing down. Create space for both sides of the conflict to have a voice. This is where therapeutic models like Internal Family Systems (IFS) or Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can be incredibly helpful, as they honor the complexity of internal experience.

Help your clients explore the part of them that wants change and the part that resists it. This process not only reduces shame but also fosters internal integration. You might say, “It sounds like there’s a part of you that wants to move forward, and another part that’s unsure. Can we listen to both sides without trying to pick one?” This nonjudgmental exploration often reveals deeper fears, values, and needs.

10. Celebrate Small Shifts

Change in therapy doesn’t always happen in big, dramatic breakthroughs. Often, it’s the small, quiet shifts that pave the way for lasting transformation. When a previously withdrawn client makes eye contact, shares a personal story, or simply returns for another session, those are wins worth celebrating.

As a therapist, your role includes recognizing and affirming these moments—even if the client downplays them. Highlighting progress reinforces the idea that change is possible and already underway. It also builds momentum and motivation. Make it a point to reflect on these shifts regularly, helping clients see how far they’ve come, even if they haven’t yet reached their final goal.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. What is client resistance in therapy?

Client resistance refers to any behavior that appears to impede the progress of therapy. This can include missing appointments, avoiding questions, minimizing issues, or pushing back on interventions. However, resistance isn’t inherently negative. It often signals that something important is at stake—perhaps a fear of change, a lack of readiness, or an internal conflict. For new therapists, it’s crucial to shift the perspective from “resistance is bad” to “resistance is information.” It tells us where the client may feel vulnerable, misunderstood, or unready, and offers a valuable starting point for deeper work.

2. Is resistance a bad thing in therapy?

Not at all. In fact, resistance can be a deeply meaningful part of the therapeutic journey. It often reflects a client’s survival strategy—an ingrained way of protecting themselves from pain or loss of control. When approached with empathy and curiosity, resistance becomes a doorway to profound healing. Rather than viewing it as an obstacle, think of it as a signal flare: something important is surfacing, and the client needs support in facing it. Working through resistance compassionately often leads to stronger therapeutic alliances and more sustainable outcomes.

3. How can I tell the difference between resistance and a lack of motivation?

While they can look similar on the surface, resistance and lack of motivation often stem from different roots. Resistance is typically fueled by fear, conflict, or uncertainty. A resistant client may want to change but feels ambivalent due to conflicting internal beliefs or traumatic experiences. In contrast, a client who truly lacks motivation may feel apathetic or disconnected from the therapeutic process altogether. The key is to explore the client's narrative and emotional context. Ask open-ended questions that help them articulate their values, fears, and hopes. Even when motivation seems absent, there is usually a story waiting to be heard.

4. What are the best tools for handling ambivalence?

Some of the most effective tools for addressing ambivalence include Motivational Interviewing, Parts Work (such as Internal Family Systems), and Reflective Listening. These techniques allow you to slow down the process, validate conflicting feelings, and help clients navigate their internal tug-of-war. Rather than trying to "fix" ambivalence, these approaches give it space and structure. Asking questions like “What would it mean for you if nothing changed?” or “What does the hesitant part of you want to protect?” can create clarity and reduce internal shame. The goal is not to force resolution, but to understand the ambivalence as an adaptive, intelligent part of the client’s experience.

5. What if a client refuses to engage after several sessions?

First, it’s essential not to interpret disengagement as failure. There are many reasons a client might pull back—fear of vulnerability, mismatched expectations, or even external stressors. Begin by reflecting on your approach: Are the client’s goals being honored? Is the pace aligned with their comfort level? If the client is still attending but not engaging, use gentle inquiries to explore the rupture. Say something like, “I’ve noticed it’s been harder to connect lately—what’s that been like for you?” If disengagement continues despite your efforts, it may be time to consult with a supervisor or consider a referral. Ultimately, respecting the client’s autonomy and capacity to choose their path is key.

6. Can therapist burnout affect how I respond to resistance?

Absolutely. Therapist burnout can amplify frustration, reduce empathy, and cloud judgment—especially in the face of resistance. When you're emotionally depleted, it becomes harder to stay curious and patient. You might find yourself reacting with urgency, detachment, or even criticism, all of which can damage the therapeutic alliance. That’s why ongoing self-care, supervision, and personal therapy are critical. Burnout isn’t just a personal issue—it’s a clinical one. When you care for your well-being, you’re better equipped to respond to resistance with grace, humility, and resilience.

Turning Resistance into Relationship

Resistance and ambivalence aren’t barriers to therapy—they are the therapy. They are not signs that something is going wrong, but that something real is happening. As a new therapist, your ability to lean into these moments with curiosity, compassion, and flexibility will become one of your most powerful assets.

Instead of striving to eliminate resistance, try to understand it. Listen to what it’s protecting, what it fears, and what it needs. Invite it into the room, give it a voice, and make it part of the story. When you shift from “Why is this happening?” to “What is this telling us?” you begin to transform resistance into relationship and ambivalence into insight.

Above all, remember that growth takes time—for both clients and clinicians. Every moment of resistance you meet with grace becomes a stepping stone on your path from degree to practice.